With this episode, we’re back on the theme of self improvement , self empowerment and focusing on yourself. We’ll be taking a look at a self development tool which is the series of Best Self Discovery Decks.
The Discovery Decks are prompt cards that inspire connection, confidence and creativity. There are nine themes to choose from. Each of the nine decks contain 150 prompt cards which contain questions or prompts for you to answer, think about and reflect upon.
Some of the packs are more challenging than others and we thought we’d live dangerously and draw some of the cards live during the episode and ask each other the questions! It was fun to do and prompted some rather interesting conversations!
You can listen to the podcast episode using the banner below or you can click here to listen on your favourite podcast platform!
We’ve also written a review of the Best Self Discovery Decks with all the links you’ll need if you’re interested in finding out more.
Welcome to Give Social, a show about helping you improve through inspiration.
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Every day, normal people do amazing things in business, charity or through self improvement and we’re here to celebrate them.
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Now let’s get on with today’s show.
So welcome to the show – this week we’re back on the theme of self improvement , self empowerment and focusing on yourself and we’ll be taking a look at a great self development tool which is the series of best self discovery decks.
I remember buying these decks quite a few months ago and what we’re gonna do today is we’re going to talk through the series and try to give you an idea of what they’re all about, and how they might help you.
I remember I found them online. I’ve been using the best self journal for quite a while and it was while I was ordering one of those that I saw that brought these pack of cards out. I was quite intrigued by them really because it seemed to me that there was like a deck of cards that I could just use to inspire me when I was on the go, or I could use them in different scenarios, but it stopped me from searching on the internet, I started trying to pick things out from the cards but more importantly for us, it was about challenging each other and finding fun ways in the evening to spend time over a glass of wine when we wanted to ask each other those awkward questions sometimes as well.
So we’re going to pull out a couple of the cards live during the show and we promise to answer them honestly, or as honestly as we can on a show that is being recorded and made available publicly! I’m quite nervous about just opening them up and seeing what questions come out. I know, but hopefully though you’ll go away from today’s episode having learned a bit about a different option you can try if you are looking into bettering yourself, and you’ll probably learn a bit more about us whether that’s what you’re here for or not!
Are we allowed to ditch any? Yes, yes definitely! As I said, this is a show that’s being recorded, and being made available publicly there are things, because these cards you will learn, as listen on, that there are some tricky, tricky things that can come out. Yeah and we’ve also published an article on the Give Social website all about the cards, so if you want to know a bit more about them or even try them for yourself you’ll find everything you need on the website Give Social.co.uk .
So before we begin and get into the cards, when we’ve just introduced this episode, we’ve used the term “self empowerment” and this is a term we’ve only recently come across, but it’s one that’s really resonated with us mainly because, I’ve certainly come to realize that over the past few years particularly, that personal responsibility for bettering yourself and your own development is absolutely everything. You know, you might really want to get better at something but unless you, yourself, actually get up and do something about it, no one else can, or is gonna do it for you, so for me, the term self empowerment really embodies that.
Absolutely, self empowerment is about taking control of your own life, it’s about understanding yourself, focusing on yourself it means you look for ways to really start digging into your strengths, your weaknesses, self goals and more importantly it’s about believing in yourself. So it’s got a huge amount to do with confidence and whether confidence comes before self empowerment, or the other way around, I’m unsure and I’m sure it’s different for different people, but they are intrinsically linked.
Yeah, and like we said a second ago, in order to build confidence and therefore build self empowerment you need to spend time focusing upon yourself and the Best Self Co Discovery Decks are a fantastic prompt at allowing you to do that.
I’m we’ve used them a couple times in the past. And normally, let’s admits it Jen, if we’ve we’ve ever used them in the past and it has only been once or twice – we’ve tested them with Billy which we’ll talk about later in the show – we’ve used the intimacy deck just out of fun when we’ve had a glass of wine and so I think let’s tell people a little bit more about the cards, so we know what we’re dealing with.
So, there’s lots of ways to start looking at bettering yourself or continuing on your self improvement, self empowerment journey and it can be difficult to know where to start and there are so many options whether it be books, journaling and you talked about the Best Self Journal before – we’ll talk about that in another episode as well, but yes, so books journaling courses, workshops or products like these Best Self cards, like I say we’ll be exploring lots of these over the next few months, yeah, and will be suggesting some practical options for you if you’re just at the beginning of that journey or if you’re looking for new things to try and we’ll do that through both the website articles and through the podcast episodes.
We’ve tried lots of self improvement tools…
The important thing for us here is, we have probably tried everything and anything under the sun to help us improve. We must have spent thousands and thousands of pounds. We? You must have spent.. Lots of parcels have been delivered over the years to Mr Robert Flanagan yes but this the thing is, I’ve bought some stinkers over the years and I’ve bought some brilliant stuff and I’ve been on courses that have cost me a fortune and they were absolutely rubbish and I bought courses online that have been really cheap and the been the most valuable thing to me and I have done free courses that have just been absolutely fantastic.
So one of the things that we’re trying to do through Give Social, whether it be if you’re in a charity and you’re looking to write funding bids in a different way, if you are an individual who’s looking to start their own side hustle, or if your couple who just want to spend more quality time with each other and improve the relationship that you’ve got, we will cover all of those things because we’re only going to talk about the things that we’ve experienced, or the things that were qualified to talk about.
Yeah absolutely, and I think the sorts of things a brilliant for all sorts of different reasons like you said, if you’re focusing on yourself, learning more about you, finding a way to challenge yourself, you can use them with your family with your friends, you can use them at work – they’re a great tool for teams in the workplace for generating ideas and for “Mr Innovation” over there the Edison deck, and we will talk about that a bit more detail, but you know there are some brilliant ones, that we’ll talk about that in more detail as we sort of list what they do, but essentially they’re all different themes, and they are decks of cards that contain questions or prompts for you to answer, think about and reflect upon.
In each one, there’s around a hundred and fifty prompts in each of the decks, which sounds like a lot, but it means that you’ve got plenty to go at and they will keep you going for quite a while, yeah. They are all based around different themes and you can either pick ones that suit you based upon what you want to focus on or you can buy this as a whole and then you’ve got them all to hand.
Break down of some of the decks
So what we will quickly do is break them down for you first, so, we’ve got them here on the table in front of us, Jen, you’ve got…. So the first one I’ve got, is Courage over Comfort so I’m just gonna read the description on the back of the box so that you get an idea of what that one’s all about, so it says: change can be uncomfortable, dealing with that discomfort is like a muscle, the more you exercise it, the easier it gets. The courage over comfort deck is designed to provide daily challenges that will push you out of your comfort zone – I don’t like it there. No. Anyway. Over time you’ll see a change in your response to the uncomfortable – instead of shying away from change and challenges you will find yourself choosing courage over comfort and it says these ones in particular are great for just you on your own, or you can use these ones in a group. What else have we got there then? So I’ll just go through the first couple and then you can – I’ll hand over to you then.
So the next one is the Ice Breaker box which is a tool for meaningful conversations and deeper relationships. So it says; communication is the key to growing meaningful relationships but we often fall back on surface level conversations – no chance with us. I long for a just a boring chat about the big shop – yeah or what happened on Coronation Street. Do you remember soaps? So for anybody listening not in the U. K. coronation street is a sitcom that’s been running for over sixty years, that involves the shopkeeper called Deidre. Not anymore… well, I think that proves how long it will since you watched it – don’t break the news the Deidre is dead on this – I don’t even know if she’s dead – she went to jail for a bit – oh did she? Yeah! Do you not remember the whole campaign about free Deidre? Oh yes I do. Yeah there was a whole thing anyway, I can’t really remember – it was the nineties. So let’s get back to the self cards.
So anyway, the Ice breaker deck is a tool to help spark thoughtful discussions – not like that! This is why we need the cards, because if we just do our own thing, it ends up just going somewhere anyway. Where? I don’t know. Not where I thought it was going to go, anyway… No matter if it’s with someone you’ve known for years or someone you’ve recently met, use the ice breaker check to spark vulnerability, ooh we can talk about that can’t we. Spark vulnerability, show off your quirky side or share a fun memory. We like sharing fun memories. We do yeah it’s one of our favorite things to do, so that’s two.
Little Talk. How many are there in total? Well there’s 8 we’ve got on the desk, okay, I think there is a 9th one, which is an ice breaker theme, yeah, but it’s like a more in depth version of the ice breaker one, okay, so I think you can get a 9th one now we’ve got the set of a 8 here. So the next one is the little talk and this is the one – we like these – We do, so they say; if you want to empower your child to be their best self while strengthening your relationship together, conversations are a great tool to use. And we did break these out one day, not in a formal way with Billy, but we’ll we’ll talk about that a bit later on, but we have we have tried this so this is because; the right questions encourage self expression, cultivate emotional intelligence and inspire your child to explore their beliefs and mindsets and ideas so again, this is another box with a hundred and fifty questions and these are aimed at sparking thoughtful, revealing and fun conversations with children.
As with the other decks they’re split into categories as well so we’ll talk through that when we open the boxes shortly.
And the last one I’m gonna read through before I hand over to Rob is the Edison deck now really, we should have given this one to you because this the idea generation box which is your… This is your favourite isn’t it? This is the one that Rob could have written this one maybe – I’m very mad someone got before there before me. If you listen to previous episodes we’ve talked about Rob coming up with ideas and then getting thoroughly miffed when he realizes that someone’s already done it. I must admit this one I didn’t come up with however, I am going to shamelessly steal it in all the coaching and the work that I do. To be fair if it is really good, so as long as your credit it fairly… this is exactly, this is what they’re here for, they’re here for people to use in different scenarios. Exactly, so it says here, you might disagree with me now I might read this out and you go “No – That’s not right” but it says; idea generation is a habit as well as a skill, yeah it is definitely a what do you call it? a subliminal thing with Rob, like ideas just generate without him even trying – they just come out all the time. Most definitely. Anyway so but.. Idea generation being a habit and a Skill means you can train your brain to come up with ideas at will , so it’s a tool for everyday ideas. It says break a brain sweat by coming up with ten ideas every day! So again hundred fifty prompt cards and these unlock, apparently, these unlock disruptive businesses, personal development or creative ideas in places you’d never think to look. We definitely picking that one later!
So we’ve got the Intimacy Deck over here, at this is all about when conversations with your partner becomes scarce or superficial intimacy plummets that’s because intimacy is more than physical, it’s also the connection you feel on a mental, emotional even spiritual level – do you agree with that Jenna? Yes. Strong relationships are built on strong communication so this intimacy deck is a tool that you can use to keep on talking with your partner – use it regularly to spark meaningful conversations that help you cultivate and deepen your love, so, I think we will definitely go with one of those shortly.
Now we’ve got the Worst Self deck…. I don’t think we do this one today, no thank you! We have done the worst self one, which is I suppose it’s a bit like Cards of Humanity this one, yeah. So the description says; in a world of where many of us are trying to be the best version of ourselves, we still do things that unknowingly showcase our worst selves. This could be a bonus podcast episode, possibly, possibly – with maybe some explicit warning yeah. With this satirical game we light heartedly explore the ugly side of ourselves and humanity – with a group of friends pick a card and find out who is most likely to be their worst self.
But you know what, this actually fits into self empowerment thing because, you kind of need to know yourself and again it fits into the vulnerability bit. Yes. You kind of need to know you rself and actually you can say how great you are and or, you can pick out what strengths are, or, you can come up with the really positive answer, but that will force you to think about things. It will but also it forces you to hear what some of the people might think of you , which can be – we talk about vulnerability yeah yeah very uncomfortable, very uncomfortable. Yeah, but the point is that you’re meant to learn and grow from it, so they wouldn’t – you know – you need to be the right mood to do this sort of stuff don’t you?
Definitely. We’ve got the Wordsmith deck. The wordsmith deck is all about teasing out ideas or recording a memory – They’re all difficult things to do so so it’s saying that the Wordsmith deck is a tool for journaling inside there are a hundred and fifty prompt cards crafted to fuel your thoughts and writing into high gear. So overcome your fear of the blank page with the wordsmith deck. This is all about increasing how people can be inspired to write in different ways depending on how they feel. If it is something you want to do but sometimes you just sit there and it’s almost like writers block, these help you just have to think about some of the things you might want to reflect on.
Okay, so the last one is the decision deck that we got in our set, and this is the description on here says; the quality of our life is directly correlated to the quality of our decisions so welcome to your tool for informed choices – A guide deck that will help you make wiser decisions through variable thinking, testing assumptions and reducing hindsight bias. So with this you basically got to eliminate decision paralysis by exercising the skills you’ll learn with thirty one prompt cards so this is a much smaller deck than the others in the decision deck. I need that, I suffer from decision paralysis when I’m just trying to choose what I want from a menu, yeah, yeah they’re not just for really serious stuff, they can help you in all sorts of ways – definitely
Jump straight in – picking the cards!
So that’s why I think now we jump straight into it now, yeah and and let’s really test each other, yeah. So we’re not going to go through a whole deck or even the whole series of decks a) because it’ll take too long and b) because we do want to ruin it for you because you want to explore these more if you’re gonna challenge yourself with these and I suppose talking about ways to challenge yourself as I said, we’ve not drawn any of these out before the show, we wanted to add a bit of excitement for ourselves.
We love living dangerously yes, yes living dangerously, not knowing what we’re going to read next. Anyway, so okay, go on so let’s start with the cards then…. so we’ll start with the ice breaker deck. Ooh, breaking us in nicely and easily – like your thinking. so Icebreaker. If anybody can’t tell yet I have had nothing to do with this episode so far, very kindly Jenna came up with the idea for this episode so I’m literally am sat here, with pretty much no idea what’s coming up next. Neither do I at this point – that’s quite right – I haven’t I done a sneaky little mark the cards or fold the corners down so I know which ones to pick out
This set of prompts is split into six categories. So there’s the hundred fifty cards per box and then they’re split into six categories so in this one it’s either life, random, deep and meaningful, experiences, if you could, or would you rather. Okay we’ve not used these at all, so, great let’s start with one we’ve never used!
Right, come on then, it’s fine don’t worry about it, you know me, I know you, it’s fine. Right so I think I’m gonna I’ll pick one, then I’ll hand you the box and then you can pick one okay? okay yeah. Go.
Right okay I’m gonna go with a life one. She’s picking the card out. No, no it’s not it’s a would you rather. Oh. Okay would you rather have a cook or a maid? oooh would I rather have a cook or maid? Hang on, I’m both aren’t I? I would rather, I would rather have a cook – I think – I’m going with cook, because although I do enjoy cooking every now and again, I don’t really do much I’ll be honest. True! I do cooking most when I’ve got a surge for healthy and being productive but I’ve got to be honest it’s not something I spend a lot of time doing.
No, I was going to say, are you gonna say that you do more cleaning? No…. no! Because this is not a true reflection!
I think a maid would get in my way . Because they aren’t confined to one room? Yes, all I’m thinking now is I’m gonna be in a room doing something, and the maid is going to walk in. Ok we will leave that there! Not like that! I just mean if I’m busy, a maid can just cruise through the house walking in different rooms, yeah, and clean rooms. Give me a cook any day. So you don’t want anyone who wanders. I’ve completely convinced myself I want a cook.
Ok fine, so if I pass you one now to pick one, so those are the themes. I’m not even I’m not gonna look at the themes. okay I’m just gonna pick a colour. I am allowed to decline. Okay so I’m picking out a red one, what does red mean? oh no deep! Deep and meaningful – brilliant. Here we go. Deep and meaningful Jen. Go on. That’s all right. Well hang on, I’ll decide.
What are the top three things on your bucket list? Oh, first of all, definitely, see the Northern Lights. Okay she didn’t even have to break her breath. That’s the thing I think about it all the time, I really, really want to go. So if there’s any companies listening who do trips to the Northern Lights, and would like a Give Social review of the Northern Lights, please get in contact via email@example.com And can I please just say that by Northern lights, I don’t mean Blackpool illuminations, before anybody – before you take me down that route. So you want to see the Northern Lights?
What else have you got on your list? okay, so I might have to think a bit more about the next 2. You’re not allowed to think for too long. My brain doesn’t work that quickly. I think the other would be – I’d like to go horseback riding, yes, abroad. You know like horse trekking? yes. I’ve done it in Ireland, I’ve done it here in the U. K. and I want to ride a horse, you know with a proper western saddle, an American western saddle and just go out meandaring. I’m looking at you and I’m looking at you now there’s a big picture of horses behind you. I chose that. we’ve got a picture of horses in the studio. That got brought up on a conference call the other day and people went “any particular reason why you’ve got that picture?” . You’ve always loved horses, yeah, yeah you said that in one of our previous episodes so yeah so I can understand that. Okay so we’ve got riding a horse in a foreign country and seeing the northern lights? yeah.
One more, one more. You know what, learn an instrument properly. Ah, okay. Genuinely – you’re looking at me like I’ve never said that before in my life, but it’s probably because I haven’t, but just on the spot, one of the things that probably would round me more as a person – apart from the cake – apart from the cake, and chocolate and crisps anyway, but yes there we go.
Okay. Now can we make sure you put back in the right box don’t leave them out. Oh, here we go – This is jenna’s OCD, is now kicking in, because I put the card deck down and I didn’t put the cards back in the right place and now she’s telling me off while I’m talking I’m trying to put the cards right back in the right place.
The Edison deck
Okay so the next one I’ve got this one, so I’m going to start and ask you a question from it first, and this is the Edison deck, so the tool for everyday ideas. I’m going to take the lid off this one and just very quickly on the instructions for this one, we’ve again got lots a categories – so we’ve got entrepreneurship, random, the future, the past, relationships and self.
Basically, you pick a card from the deck and you write 10 ideas from the prompts, so I’m gonna give you one of the prompts, and I want you to give me at least three ideas. Okay yeah, because we’re flying through them, we don’t want to be here all day. No, and also takes me a long time to come up with stuff. Apparently you will see your creativity increase the more you push yourself. okay.
Here we go let’s have a look, I’m gonna use the card this time and I’m gonna pick one from the future, which is the green one in this – here we go, so we’ve got – ah, like this one. okay. Financial Oh go on. So three ideas – ways you could adjust your spending to save money this week? okay while definitely having had just done the big shop online, could have A) not done online B) looked for more offers C) done it somewhere else to save money. Okay so that’s one, the online shop.
Yeah well we’re about to have a couple of days away, we are, so may be not spending too long in the shops (with of course the face covering on anyway) so it’s spending time in shops at the moment not our favorite thing anyway, but I suppose not being frivolous in the shopping area yes I would agree with that. Not that I am, I’m not normally.
Well no I think one of the things that we do when we go out – if we talk about wasting money when we’re going out for a weekend like we do, it’s probably the drinks, and I don’t mean drinking too much, it’s going “ooh, I’ll have cocktail.” we’re the exact same, yes. We do, we have a look at the menu and we go let’s have a cocktail. Yeah, we’re treating ourselves, but let’s not, let’s have half a lager. The price of cocktails these days…! Deary, me, it’s outrageous!
So we’ve got two, the online shop. yeah. and the shop. A third way, okay, This is tricky now, because you talked about drinking and going out and maybe eating and drinking and that being one, so I don’t want to say that again.
Driving the car more efficiently so that I don’t use as much petrol. Oh my goodness. because I take – ok, fine – stopping you buying stuff on Amazon! Stick with the car, stick with driving sensibly, you’ve more chance with that one. Exactly, but no, this is the point of these cards is actually it’s not quick off the top of your head stuff, it really does make you think and obviously we haven’t got the time to do that properly here, because you’d be bored to tears by the time we finished!
But I think that’s almost proving the point about the cards are there to do, it’s to make you properly reflect and think isn’t it? It is and I suppose, we’ve never really even thought about how we drive our car. Well I did, only the first time we got a car that showed me the fuel consumption and it was a little bit of competition for myself to beat my last journey. The miles per gallon. Yeah but then the novelty wore off with that. okay And actually we’ve not gone anywhere for five months.
Rob’s card from the Edison Deck
Anyway, right so your turn. My turn. So I’m gonna pick you one that’s going to be random. A random from the Edison deck which is the colour yellow – websites you love. Okay. You’ve gotta think about websites you love. You can’t not give your own website a plug here! I will not plug givesocial.co.uk at all. These next three websites will have nothing to do with give social.co.uk Okay, my favorite three websites. I like one called medium. Oh! I can check yes browser history by the way, to confirm. No you can’t.
Carry on – medium? Medium. I like Medium because it has a plethora of articles written by different content creators. Okay and they do things like search engine optimization very well, so when you’re searching for a solution on something, very often or if you’re looking for an opinion piece on news and politics, Medium will pop up quite regularly so I suppose it’s one of those that is actually changing the way that people search for things online.
Right okay fine. yes so medium, yeah. Another site I use regularly – just so intrigued to hear what you’re gonna come up with – carry on! I’m just looking at my search history on my laptop now… delete… Amazon. Yeah. No, not not shopping one. not a shopping one okay. My search history, I must admit, is very boring. okay. I am that the type of person who doesn’t have a certain website that I will go on to, unless you’re talking about Facebook, yeah or YouTube.
If YouTube is a website that I would say You Tube but as I get a lot of information from YouTube I do search it quite a lot. Jenna has got the giggles, I know why Jenna has got the giggles, because she suddenly thought, I wonder if he has got anything on the search engine history…. I’m so dying to look!
The third one, would be I think as I was trying to explain before you got the giggles, I don’t generally go searching on the internet for specific websites. What I search for are my own interests so I think the other website that pops up a lot, which I do look on, is Huffington Post. I read the Huffington Post not as a choice because I have a political allegiance one way or the other it’s another, almost more crowd sourced, news article type website where different people contribute to the news stories. And I like anything where I try and get a more balanced opinion of what’s going on in the news or what’s going on in politics which is why I will generally going into Google if I’m looking for something, and then take my search out from there, and I’m sure as we go along we’ll talk about things like search engine optimization and because I understand what search engine optimisation does,
I’m very aware that some of the information that I’m getting back via the news, may not be the most relevant and fair information so I can dig a little bit deeper and make sure that I get a balanced view of whatever is that I’m reading about. And I think that might be a really good topic for us to discuss another time.
Yeah definitely, definitely I think you can go so many ways with that, you go into the whole fake news arena. Yes exactly. Yes and this again is about personal responsibility for spending the time to find out more, not only about yourself, but taking it upon yourself to question things and to read more about particular subjects. If you are interested in something, don’t just take what’s popped up on a social media site as a suggested post.
Exactly. Because actually, that’s been put there for a reason, because your phone or that website thinks that something you’re interested in you need to read around that don’t you? The number of times I see people share things that come from websites and I don’t even click the website because I just look at the name of the website, yeah, and straight away I Know this is gonna be a load of tosh, yeah exactly, and going to be rubbish, yeah, but the person who’s sharing it hasn’t probably, nine times out of ten, not even bothered to read it.
Okay where we going next? The intimacy deck. Okay we’re gonna go with the intimacy deck. I’m not even I’m not into that gently, I’m like that one. Jen’s only just got over a giggles from the last one. Took me so long, I’m really sorry! So who knows where this one’s going to go. I’ve not giggled like that since, you know when you’re at assembly in school, and then something tickles you, but then because you’re not meant to be laughing you find it even funnier and then you get sent out…. that was what just happened, I nearly got sent out of the studio! I just, I just want to say actually, we’ve not really said much about how they look and feel these best self boxes.
I must admit, we have them, in fact you’ll see them on a youtube video, oh you will, because we have them on a bookshelf. Yeah. They sit on the top shelf, and we display them as a kind of pyramid so that they are there, easy to access for us in our lounge, if we decide that we want to use them for whatever purpose, but also, they come in these, I suppose quite well designed boxes each with their own colour They all have their own little intricate art work on them, depend upon what the subject is and they genuinely do not look out of place in the lounge do they? Oh no, not at all.
They wouldn’t look out of place in an office and you know if I had any criticism at all I think it would be that I think they probably could be a little bit smaller – They are quite bulky. They are like square boxes aren’t they? I’m only talking here as somebody who travels around doing coaching you know or travelling around doing the the innovation work and if I wanted to use these with the group and let’s say I want to take two boxes with me, suddenly my backpacks gonna get quite heavy. And so what I do, and I say what I do, I’ve done this once so far, is I’ve actually taken a couple of cards out and taken them with me or I’ve taken a photo of them and then I’ve used them when I’ve got there. Ooh, I was going to say, taking cards out of the deck, out of the same building? Crikey Moses! So I would like maybe, some kind of travel pack so there’s is an idea. Not a bad shout. There’s an idea.
Now the decision deck, when listed them all out, now that decision deck, because it is a smaller pack so all the others are hundred and fifty cards but that’s only, what, thirty something … yes and this one’s shaped more like a deck of cards isn’t it? So that one, so that the design of that one and what we will do is, we’ll take a picture so you’ll see a picture of these. yeah we’re going do an article about these anyway on the website so you’ll see you’ll see them there, we will kind of showcase them a little bit, and you’ll see what we’re talking about, but yes definitely good shout, in that if there was one improvement – that’s a really good one . There’s a plea to Best Self – bring out a travel deck, where you can put your favorite cards and take them with you .
The intimacy deck
So we’re on the intimacy deck. I’m gonna ask you the first question Jenna – Hang on what you looking at there? I’m looking at the instructions and how to use them…. First time you ever looked at the instructions for anything.
Six categories – I’ve got the instructions in front of me – this is about asking your partner questions to see where a conversation leads, so this should be a bit of fun with us, you might be surprised by the twists and turns your discussions take apparently, these questions are designed to help you get to know each other, so get ready to be open.
Okay. Which is why I’m asking you first. Am I allowed to pick any of these on the back? so we’ve got the categories again – past, random, life, relationship, intimacy or about you. Just go random! Are you sure? I’ll go random – Okay let’s go random which is the yellow one again, yeah here it comes – okay – oh no, go on. This is an easy one for you. You reckon?
Okay. On a scale of one to ten, how nervous would you be if I started to look through your phone. Ah, do you know what – not really. yeah on a scale of one to ten how nervous so ten would be ultra nervous – yeah not at all, like one it’s really boring – even if I got to see your search history?
You’d be so bored, yeah that’s fine. When you’ve got a six year old child, having anything on your phone, well he’s got my phone most of the time, so in fact do you know what, I’d quite like to see my search history, because I’d like to know what Billy’s been looking for!
I think that’s the point I was making really is that when you’ve got a six year old child, and anybody can look through the search history of a phone or look what’s on a phone because the child would have found it at some point anyway, yeah true. So you got away with it there. Very easily.
Rob’s turn for a card from the intimacy deck
Your turn – Here we go handing it over. Do you mind which category? I might not even look. Go for it go for it – what’s green? Life. okay. What’s currently keeping you up at night or causing you stress? hmmm, if I’m honest, I think we’re now quite a few episodes into the podcast, and we’re trying to do this new website, and the demands on those from a work perspective have been quite intense. Yeah we’re doing this entirely, like at night. Yeah and that’s a good point, when I say from a work perspective it has been intense, I mean in our day job – never mind our side hustle as well. And I think, if I had a choice of not waking up at four or five o’clock in the morning and doing a couple of hours work on this stuff before we do the day job, I would say that would be lovely, however I have a natural tendency to wake up early. I was gonna say, you did that before we were doing this. And I think that the one thing that’s keeping me up, is managing all the things that need doing in accordance with the time that they need doing for, so one of the things I’m really really came to do is make sure that we put a podcast out at the regular time every single week and that adds pressure so for example we’re going away this weekend, we’re going away next weekend and I’m away for two days this week, and the weekend after, so over the next three weeks I think I’m away for the best part of six or seven days so it’s been planning has been really, really important and we’ve done really well we’ve planned – everything’s in place, but putting together a podcast, putting together a website isn’t as easy as just turning on a microphone and having a chat.
Theres a lot that goes on behind that and I think, probably a few weeks time will go into more detail about that, and we’ll show people how we started this podcast and all about our journey of how we got there and how we found it and everything else, but at the moment, this week, last few days has been quite stressful and that has been the thing that’s been keeping me up. and in fact you’ll probably agree that probably 48 hours ago, I was quite moody. Well, I think we both have to be fair and I think that’s the thing – Ups and downs and we’re loving doing what we’re doing, yes, and it is really good fun. Like you say, yes, there’s more to it than just sitting down and us having a chat and it just happens to be recorded, there is obviously way more to it than – most of the time when you got up at four o’clock in the morning, it’s to sort the transcript out or something else that kind of falls out of it, but, this is something that we really enjoy, yes, and as long as we both understand that there is a bit of grumps or whatever it’s just because we got a lot on, but we’re enjoying it and it is building what we do and it’s it’s great.
We got away with that…there are things you don’t talk about on a podcast!
Okay, so I think we got away with that – I think we did! Phew! because this one, when we have done this before like a it can be difficult. So pass me the intimacy deck. very quickly. I’m not – Gosh, we’ve just got away with it, don’t; start trawling. No, I’m not going to, don’t worry – I’m not going to ask you the question but let’s have a look, what color have we got for intimacy so just to give people an example, I’m gonna pick one out from the intimacy, the questions in here, okay there we go, this is why we didn’t go for the intimacy first one – where are three places you thought about having sex other than your own bed. oh my goodness yeah and these are things that you definitely don’t talk about on a podcast.
The reason I think they’re really interesting is and I think I can say this, with we’ve got a podcast episode coming up in the next few weeks, yes, where we’re gonna hopefully, and I’m not gonna reveal the name of the person, because we got a couple of people lined up, but there is one person in particular I’m hoping that we’ll speak to you and we will be covering – it’s going to be a very awkward conversation for me but I’ll get over it and I’m really looking forward to it, because we’ve got to be open about these things, we will be talking about body image we will be talking about self empowerment more but particularly with an angle from a relationship perspective and that self worth comes from inside yourself, inside yourself, so that’s a great time for us to move on move on! That episode is going to be weird. it is gonna be weird.
Especially when the thought of discussing anything like that, even just even with you – All my insides collapse slowly inside on themselves and it’s all of me wants to just curl up in a ball and just go under the ground and not really talk about it, however there is also that element of the fact that we are in a relationship we’re married, we’ve been married for ten years we can have very open, honest conversations with each other, yeah yeah, some are for broadcast, some aren’t, let’s be honest! Yes!
Anybody who thinks a married couple after ten years can’t have those conversations they really need to – get these cards out! Anyway right so let move on yes. Just to the final one that we’re going to look at and this is the little talk deck. yeah the one we’ve done with Billy.
The Little Talk Deck
So again, I think i said this before, you know, we didn’t sit Billy down and go right okay this is what we’re going to do, we just said oh this is really fun mummy and daddy have been having a look at these cards in there’s some here that we can ask you questions and if you want to answer, if you don’t, you don’t, it’s fine. And they’re just little conversation starters really. What were your observations of that chat with Billy?
I really liked it when we did them with Billy he approached the questions for a six year old, from a perspective that I didn’t expect a six year old to approach it from and I think this is something that actually teaches us as parents more than it just teaches the child, because you get to ask them questions about things that were important to them you know or they how they understand something and they’ll just tell you, they will they will tell you the first thing that’s in their mind and you get the raw, open conversation and the fact that you can turn it into a game, and show them the box – right we’re gonna play a card game, gonna play a card game and you’ve got to answer the question they they love it.
One of the things I really liked about this was – and I mean, I know we’re not that old, but you know talking certainly to your parents, it’s not as if we didn’t do it but it wasn’t as prevalent as it is now, understanding yourself and being really open to how you think and how you react to things. yes. You know, even the chimp paradox, you know, we bought Billy the children’s version of that book, it’s little things like that I just don’t think were around when we were younger. No, and apologies if my dad is listening, I remember when I was younger although I have amazingly supportive parents, unfortunately my mum is no longer with us, and they were they were absolutely amazing and I could speak to them about anything but I didn’t want to speak to them about anything and things like this weren’t around so a lot of the conversation, because I came from a religious family as well were often geared around what do you think you’ll faith tells you you should do and I’m gonna be honest here – life has moved on a lot – nothing about what, what you think, it’s what you think you’re being told, what you think other people think you should do.
Yeah and I think the question that this encourages is actually, what do you think the right thing to do is and why? Think about why.
Things about – same as the other at six categories again as a random category in it and this one focuses on likes and dislikes, self expression, hopes and dreams, reflection and then emotional intelligence and I think emotional intelligence is something you hear a lot about nowadays but actually, when you when you dig into that, you understand more what that means it is so important, so important in so many different ways, whether it be in business or in your own personal life or… and if you can increase that in a child, develop in them, that’s it exactly, develop it a child from an early age without ramming it down their throats in one way or another then everyone’s a winner.
A couple of examples
So we’re just gonna finish very shortly so I just want to give me a couple of examples. Yes so in the emotional intelligence section, this, I love this… what does it feel like to admit when you’ve got something wrong? So it’s that thought… I asked Billy that very question the other day, not from the back of cards just because he didn’t share something with a friend who visited!
So the next one, hopes and dreams, what do you most want to learn, so that’s another good one. In the reflection section, reflection section – I like it ‘The reflection section’! That could be an episode.
What are you grateful to have in your life today? So, that’s another one, gratitude is a biggie isn’t it? it is and again, it’s the ability to have the conversation with a child in I suppose, a more structured but fun way, really helps.
The self expression one – what does your mum or dad do that you think is really unfair? Maybe we should ask him about that and record it, yeah, I think we could definitely record that one and we probably get something about the podcast!
So I think they’re a really good tool that we can use with Billy as we go forward and I’m sure other parents will find them useful as well.
A mark out of ten
Overall, let’s give the Best Self Deck a mark out of ten Jen what do you reckon? I’m gonna go quite high. I know you really like them, I really like them. I’m glad that I bought them. Yeah. I’m like I say, I think in terms of the content some of the boxes are better than others. Yeah true. so I really like the ideas one, I’ve not quite figured out the decision deck properly yet so for example when you use the decision deck, you’ve got to use all twenty five cards in in order to work through a process. That’s great if you’ve got the time. One of the things that I promote very often is doing things in a time scale that suits you and so I’m not a massive fan of things that are really really structured that take a very long time through that structure in order to achieve it so the decision deck is something that I’ve not fully used yet. I think the worst self there’s a bit of a risk with that one, yeah, as there is with intimacy well, because I think both of those, so the worst self self and intimacy deck (easy for me to say) my recommendation here would be do not use these A) if you’re using the intimacy deck and you don’t feel like you’re in a very secure relationship, because there will be problems. And secondly, the worst self deck if you’re with family or friends or work colleagues where maybe you might not like what they say. So they come, I would say, with a higher risk. Yes that’s true I think there is a scale of risk attached to these cards definitely. And so anybody who thinks that the best self deck is something about easy self empowerment – not easy – not at all – and that they can just pick these up and work through them and then they’re going to be a much better version of themselves, that is not – and that’s the point though, a self development journey isn’t meant to be easy is it? That’s the thing, however when we say there’s a card deck, it not a light hearted fun for all the family. Some of them are. But I think there are the ones that you do need to a) be in the right mood for yes and b) also be ready today to deal with what comes out of them. But you know, overall, yes we think they are definitely a good tool to just even just think and it even if you just read through them yourself the didn’t necessarily do them with somebody else, because that’s the point, you can just use these independently, you don’t neccesarily have to go through them with somebody else. And I would definitely recommend the ones that use by yourself and if you’re with the right people it’s a great way to bring people together as well. I’m a massive fan of them, we’re a massive fan of them because of the stage in which we’re at in our lives, and how we can utilize and use them with our clients and with other people as well. So out of 10, I’m going to give them an eight. Ah, I was going to go eight! Should have said eight first! Right okay. So that’s it for today we hope you found it interesting and maybe that you feel a bit more comfortable about asking yourself some of these questions and don’t forget, we’ve put all the links you’ll need to learn more in the article on the website and we’ll also send you off to other interesting things you might want to look into as well. We will, and it’s time for us to finish today but we will be back next week with another episode and we can’t wait for you to join us. Before then why not join our Facebook group, GiveSocial or head on over to our website givesocial.co.uk we’ve got some special things lined up for subscribers and Facebook followers, giveaways, guides and free tips so don’t miss out. We’ll see you all next week for more Give Social. Bye Bye.